Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
