i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
