Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
