Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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