That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
