At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
