apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
