I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
