So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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