Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
