Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize