You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
