This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
