Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
