Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
