i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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