he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
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my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize