I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
