I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she told me i tasted like america
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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