I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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