I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
