Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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