I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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