no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
