1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
