she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Randomize
