Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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