New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
