im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
