Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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