I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
