I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
