Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
