you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sorry about my life...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
