Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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