Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize