Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
