It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
