why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
