i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
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I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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