so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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