Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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