my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize