Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
