Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
