I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I cockslap morals
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize