you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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