you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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