You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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