I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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