yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Randomize
