he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
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I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
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but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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