I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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