Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
