from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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