I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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