I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
