well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
