I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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