my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Farmville is her only friend.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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