Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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