marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
