We're facebook friends in real life
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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