I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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